


How to be a Teenage Superhero in The Middle of Nowhere

by larrystylickson



Series: All The Weirdest Spiderman Crossovers Ever [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Sexual Tension, so does edward cullen, the department of damage control ruin peter's life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 23:40:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15400149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larrystylickson/pseuds/larrystylickson
Summary: When Peter Parker is being forced to move to Forks, Washington by the Department of Damage Control and live a new life as Beau Swan, he vows to keep his head down. But Peter can't help but wonder what's so off about the Cullen family, and finding out may mean he has to look up every once in a while. When he does, it always seems to be straight into Edward Cullen's eyes.





	How to be a Teenage Superhero in The Middle of Nowhere

When Peter’s secret identity was accidentally revealed to his whole English class, he thought things might be rough, for a while. Maybe keep things on the down-low for a few months, and then he would be announced as the newest member of the Avengers, and Aunt May would get her very own secret service agent.

Unfortunately, both Tony Stark and the Department of Damage Control thought otherwise. Their bright idea involved Peter and May moving across the entire damn country, with new backstories, names, and even dyed hair, so that nobody would hurt them….or even notice them at all. Peter begged everyone involved to reconsider, but apparently the government thinks Peter can’t make any of his own decisions until he’s 18 years old. 

That means two full years in someplace called Forks, Washington. Peter looked it up and it seems it’s biggest achievement was being the rainiest place in all of America. Which was….just great. This was all just. So. Great. I mean, Aunt May seemed to think so.

“Ready to see our new home?” she asked her nephew eagerly as she turned down the drive. Surprisingly, she hadn’t seemed too upset at the news the two of them had to move all the way across the country. “Peter,” she had said to him when he was first wallowing in their Queen’s apartment, refusing to leave. “I know this sucks. It royally, absolutely sucks. But it’s only a couple of years. I’m sorry. But you’ll always have me. Every step of the way, I’m on your team.”

But as he looked at the modest two-story house down the drive, Peter was even less excited than he was back then. He thought at least if the government was going to force him to live in a shithole, he wouldn’t have to live in an actual shithole.

“Well,” said May as she got out of the car. “This will be an adventure.”

Peter just grunted as he slammed the passenger door shut, pulling his one suitcase (containing items approved by the head of damage control) towards to porch.

“You could at least talk to me.” May told her nephew as he stormed into the new house.

“Sorry, Mom!” Peter shouted back with disdain. “But if everyone is going to tell me I can’t make my own decisions, I might as well act like it!” Peter fumbled with his new keys and opened the door slamming it shut in his aunt’s face.

That wasn't nice. Peter knew that, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel bad. He hated that he had to come here. He hated his stupid new ginger-blond hair. He hated that Mr. Stark would do this to him. He hated the fact that he had to spend the next two years calling his aunt mom. He hated watching her pretend this was all alright, when he knew his need to swing around Queens in a suit was ruining her life.

He didn’t even get to bring his suit. Spiderman was officially on hiatus.

\----------------

Peter’s new school was possibly the strangest thing about the whole situation. Forks, Washington was no New York City. All of Peter’s new classmates were white, knew each other since kindergarten, and dressed like it was 2009.

Seriously. Half of the girls were wearing Uggs. 

When he’d been briefed on his new life, Peter had been told not to draw too much attention to himself. While he wasn’t one to brag, Peter knew he had….above average intelligence. That’s why being Spiderman was so easy for him, he had never really had to study to keep up in school, so swinging around the streets every night never really hurt his grades all the much. Although he had now been told to dumb himself down, keep himself quiet, and never show anybody that he was any stronger than he looked. He couldn’t even play sports, or join decathlon. Peter thought that not joining anything would probably make it easier to keep to himself.

Except it was pretty hard to keep to himself when nobody would leave him alone. 

It seemed like every other kid in his lunch period was crowded around the table, trying to get his attention. One girl (Jessica or something?), had really latched herself on.

“What’s Arizona like? It’s basically the opposite of Forks, right? Like the weather, I mean. It’s funny, i thought someone from Arizona would be more tan.” The girl stroked Peter’s arm quite sensually. Peter thought she was being kind of gross. Plus he didn’t have much to say in response to her question. He’d never even been to Arizona.

“Oh. Um, you know. It’s hot. There’s cacti. I dunno.” Peter mumbled. “I guess I’m used to it.” 

Luckily, this answer was accepted as Jessica startled rambling about the best coffeehouse in town and how she was going to take Peter, because he just had to try it. 

Great.

“Beau? Beau? Beau!” some guy was waving his hand in Peter’s face.

“Oh.” said Peter. “Sorry. Yes?” It was going to take Peter a while to get used to his new name. Beau Swan. He wished he could give whoever thought of that a bit of shakedown. 

“I’m Wyatt.” The guy said. “I just wanted to say hi. I was new here once, and I know it can be a bit overwhelming. If you need anything, just let me know.” 

“Oh.” said Peter, again. “Thanks.”

Wyatt nodded at him and went back to doing whatever he was doing before on his phone. Peter looked back over at Jessica, who looked pretty pissed off that he had stopped listening to whatever she was babbling on about. Before he could apologize, his attention was taken away by something else.

Behind Jessica, Peter noticed the back door of the cafeteria open. Through the door spilled an endless line of beautiful people. Each more gorgeous than the last, Peter was completely enamored by the sight of the group. They were all incredibly pale, fit, and had near perfect bone structure. They were definitely more stylish than anyone else at the school. There seemed to be five of them, although they were so intimidating, it seemed like more. There appeared to be 3 boys and 2 girls, altogether.

From what Peter could tell, they seemed to be paired up, two of the boys with two of the girls. Then there was the last boy, sitting alone.

Peter thought he was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

But something was off about them too. Their presence set off a tingling inside him, the one that Peter fells whenever he knows there's danger around. Ned calls it his spider sense. Peter doesn’t, because what the hell is a spider sense? Still. Something was off about those beautiful, pale kids.

“Who are they?” Peter asked, to no-one in particular.

Jessica glanced behind her. “The Cullens?” She asked, suddenly less perky than she had appeared in the past 20 minutes. “Don’t bother worrying about them, Beau. They think they’re too good for everyone. New kids included.”

Peter opened his mouth to ask further questions, but Wyatt was all ready with the answers from across the tables.

“The Cullens are a family, all adopted by the local doctor. They moved here a few years ago, and nobody really knows very much about them. Except the obvious. They’re beautiful, and the weirdest of all, they’re all dating each other.” Wyatt pointed to the girl on the end, and started going down the line. “That’s Rosalie, who’s dating Emmett, that guy there. Then they’re Jasper, who’s with Alice.”

“And what about the last guy? Is he dating anyone?” Peter asked, trying to sound casual.

“That’s Edward.” Wyatt said. “And no, from what I know, he’s single.”

“Don’t waste your time.” Jessica whined. “He may look like a tiger, but he bites like one too. He basically doesn’t talk to anyone, and the people who try get burned. Badly.”

From the snarl in her voice, Peter could assume that Jessica was scorched at some point. But then the bell rang, and as fast as the Cullen’s appeared, they were gone.

“C’mon Beau, you have biology, right?” Asked, Jessica. “I’ll show you where to the class is.”

Peter followed, internally groaning the whole time. There’s no way he could get lost in this tiny school. He’s navigated alien planets with Iron-flipping-Man. He didn’t need an escort to calculus. But still, he didn’t want the DDC showing up at his door, uprooting him and Aunt May again. So Peter tried his very best to put on a smile. 

\------------------

The problem with joining a new school half-way through November is that everything is already perfectly in place. Despite Peter already having begrudgingly spoken to a good four people in his biology class during lunch, he ended up sitting next to his new stranger of a lab partner, Edward Cullen.

This alone was causing his so-called “spider sense” to go off like crazy. Looking at the boy seemed to make it worse, for some reason. And Edward, true to his reputation, refused right back. For the whole lesson, they performed their work like a dance. Doing a lab without actually speaking more than 10 words to each other was difficult. Still, Edward seemed like he knew what he was doing, which was good, because Peter had to pretend he had no clue. 

At one point, Peter wrote down something so blatantly wrong on the paper that Edward actually looked at him with seemed to be….a curious disgust?

Well, he must think Peter was an idiot. Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to care all that much. At least the creatively bad answers Peter was coming up with gave him something to keep him entertained during the long period.

As soon as the bell rang, Edward was gone before Peter could say goodbye. He was moving almost inhumanely fast, from what Peter observed. He might have some sort of speed powers, that could be what Peter felt was off about him. He added that to the mental list he had going. All he weird things that might be wrong with Edward Cullen. 

Peter knew he was probably in for a pretty shitty two years, if this is how they were going to pan out.

\--------------

Two weeks later, and things had gotten a lot better, but somehow not better at all. May was settled in, and already had a group of middle-aged women she had found an in with. She had told Peter that she was having fun pretending to be Renee Swan, and felt like she was living out a teenage dream of being an actress. Peter had been spending more and more time with Jessica and Wyatt. Despite how annoying Jessica was, she was good for entertainment.

Still, Peter missed his home. And being Spiderman. He missed his friends, too. Peter was only able to call Ned from payphones, because he knew that his cell was being tracked by the DDC. Luckily, this oldfuck town still hadn’t progressed past 2001 and had a ton of phones for Peter to choose from. Though he still didn’t get to talk to Ned as much as he would like.

And there was still something bothering Peter about Edward Cullen. In two weeks of biology class, the sensation Peter got whenever Edward came close had not gone away, but he was pretty good at ignoring it. He had about 30 items on his list about what Edward could be, but still didn’t feel any closer to the truth. At one point, Peter was convinced that Edward was actually Loki in disguise, but he knew he was kidding himself with that. That idea probably just stemmed from Peter’s childhood crush on Thor.

Still, even if Edward was some sort of supervillain, it would be nice if he didn’t ignore Peter 100% of the time. Even if he did think he was the biggest idiot to ever walk into Forks. 

Peter was thinking about this, trying to get his mind straight one morning as he walked into the school, but suddenly he noticed a car skidding across the black ice on the pavement. Even worse, it was heading for one Edward Cullen. 

Without thinking, Peter ducked between some parked cars and began darting between them to try and get to Edward without anyone seeing him moving so quickly. He managed to, just in time, jump in front of Edward. using his body as a shield so as not to look inconspicuous, Peter arched his back in preparation for the car to hit. Peter closed his eyes and braced himself, and the car pressed up against his back, Peter opened his eyes to see no Edward Cullen standing in front of him. In fact, there was nobody in front of him. The only thing he seemed to have stopped from being hit was an empty parked car. 

Then he heard screams, and realizing what he had done, Peter quickly threw himself to the ground. He pretended to be passed out as a crowd gathered around him, and Peter let his body stay limp until the paramedics arrived. 

\------------------

The hospital was small, and the doctors seemed baffled at Peter’s state. Luckily, after a couple of hours and Aunt May coming in to calm their nerves, everyone was able to chalk it up to an anomaly. 

“Consider yourself lucky, kid.” One of the doctor’s said, after telling Peter he was okay to leave. “Not everyone would make it out of that with all their limbs.”

“Yeah.” Peter chuckled. “I promise to be more careful next time.” 

While May was busy flirting with one of the male nurses (she had told Peter later that it was actually all an act, and that in her mind, Renee is a total whore), Peter headed out to the waiting room. Sitting there was the most unexpected person Peter could think of. Edward Cullen stood up as soon as Peter walked out the door. Peter had expected someone to be there, maybe Jessica, or one of the people from the DDC to berate him about blowing his cover. Tony Stark had even (albeit, briefly) crossed his mind, but Edward Cullen? What in the world did he want?

“Beau, I need to speak with you.” He mumbled as Peter walked past. “Outside.”

Without a word, Peter walked straight out the door, Edward following him. Once they were outside, Peter felt the chill of the last November winds. He shivered in his sweatshirt. Edward, despite only wearing a t-shirt, seemed oddly okay.

“What was that?” Edward demanded, once he determined the two of them were alone.

“What are you talking about?” Peter scoffed. 

“You were nowhere near that car until seconds before it hit you. Plus, you’ve walked away without a scratch. That’s something I think of as highly unlikely.” Edward stared Peter down. 

Peter was done with this guy. He wasn’t a big fan of people patronized. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” Peter said, unafraid of whatever this guy was. “I saw you, you know. That’s why I went over there. To save your ass. Then you were gone. You don’t move like a normal person.”

“And you do?” Edward asked.

“That’s it.” Peter muttered. “What the hell are you? You, and your little family, there’s something incredibly off about you people. And you know what, I’m not the kind of guy you should be pissing off.” Peter tried his best to be intimidating, but it was harder with his spidey suit. He probably just looked like a pissed of little kid. “I have half a mind to find out myself. Trust me, I have the means.”

“Look.” Edward sighed. “I’m not looking for trouble. I’m just trying to watch out for my family. If you want to hang around here, that’s fine, whatever. I just want to make it clear that we were here first. And there are some people around here that don’t exactly love our kind.”

Our kind? Peter had no idea what the hell Edward was talking about.

“Are you saying that you come from a…..a clan of spider-people?” Peter whispered, and he had to admit that he kind of loved that idea.

“What?” Edward took a step back. “No, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Oh.” Peter said. Shit. “You’re not superheroes?”

“I’m not a superhero.” Edward made a face. “I’m a vampire.”

A vampire. Peter didn’t know that vampire’s were a real thing, but of course with being a spider-human mutant, he felt like he wasn’t in a place to judge.

“Wait, so I’m confused.” Edward continued. “Are you a superhero or a spider person?”

“Both.” Peter smirked. “I’m Spiderman?”

“The Spiderman?” Edward asked. He eyed Peter up and down. “You don’t look it.”

Peter tried not to be too offended. 

“Your whole family are vampires, then?” Peter asked. “Sorry, I don’t really know how vampires work. Is it more Dracula or Mom’s Got a Date With a Vampire?”

Edward smirked. “I think we should talk about this later.” He said. “I have just as many questions, I’m sure.”

And as Edward walked away, Peter felt that in a weird way, Forks might be even more exciting than New York City.


End file.
